May 17, 2021 4:45 PM
I have always been in my thoughts before bed. I don't know if it's just me but lately, thinking before bed has put a lot of stress on my mind. Growing up, things were always easy to think about before bed because I had no responsibilities or things to worry about. It sucks that a lot of those responsibilities are starting to pop up now. There's no point in complaining because at the end of the day, that's life.
There were other times in my life where I couldn't go to sleep, but those were days when I just couldn't wait for the next day. Those were days when I couldn't wait to get up and play with friends or have fun, go somewhere, or it may have just been my birthday. Nowadays, I'm stuck in my thoughts because I have things I'm stressed about rather than having things to be happy about.
One of the nights while I was sleeping I was thinking to myself, what am I interested in? What should I go to college to pursue? This was prior to the day my composition teacher had talked to our class about college and careers, and what our interests may be when getting older. During the class he gave us sites where we could take a quiz that would recommend which career paths might be best based on what we selected. We could also research different careers and colleges and which majors were good depending on what we enjoyed. For me, it was difficult to pick something. I kept choosing anything around computer science. I'm not the type that really knows what I want to do, which is why I just forced myself to select something.
I was in my room this day, and it was easy to think in an environment set in a pitch-black state but the many ideas that popped up in my head at once applied pressure. It was this that let me know there wasn't a particular career or subject I could narrow down on. That's what led me to think about why that is. I've been too closed off to new opportunities and too afraid of trying or doing new things. I was very introverted as a kid and to this day I've kept things pretty much the same. I don't see the point of putting myself out there and trying new things and, if you want me to be honest, I'm still that same person all those years ago. That's why I've been struggling to think about my future as I move toward the end of my childhood and onto the real world.
Although I'm still the same person, I've been working on my mistakes given how stressed they have made me. I'm participating in new programs and making sure that I’m less closed off. I will continue to stay that same introverted person but only in some parts of my life. If I want to be the best person I can be in the future, trying new things is going to be the best place to start. I joined different programs and dabbled in many of the things I may be interested in by learning more about, including other subjects and areas I haven't tried before. Something else I am doing is letting things happen and watching how things turn out. I have become more adaptable to different situations which lets me have time to enjoy the little things rather than worry.
Building experience is one of the main things that will help me learn about myself and what I want to do as I get older. I still don't know who or what I want to be in the future but right now, I'm working toward that by opening up to different programs, services, etc. It may take time to figure out what I want to do but I will keep doing my best to get to that point.