Six ways to stay a kid forever

May 20, 2021 3:28 PM

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The author, a fifteen-year-old boy acting fifteen months old as he attempts to reverse time. Photo courtesy of Daniel Merchan

The author, a fifteen-year-old boy acting fifteen months old as he attempts to reverse time. Photo courtesy of Daniel Merchan

Are you tired of the countless responsibilities you have on your hands? Or are you tired of growing older? Or are you just tired in general? Most adults and teenagers will say “yes” after pulling 2 all-nighters doing academic work or taxes. Well, unfortunately I can’t offer you a time machine or a fountain of youth for you to escape your growing maturity. However, I did invent these six ways to stay like a child. 

1. Watch kids shows

When you were a child, you were at the mercy of cable TV’s plotless and moral-laden children shows. Not only will the sight of seeing channels and cable on your TV make you realize how much flexibility you have to your entertainment — it will also bring back the nostalgia of the agonizing commercials that last five minutes. A few good starting children shows are “Curious George,” “Thomas the Tank Engine,” “Dora the Explorer,” and “Bubble Guppies.” For more options to plotless and nostalgia-full shows visit PBS Kids or Nick Jr.

2. Wear an adult diaper

Do you remember when you wore a diaper when you were a baby and your parent or guardian gave you praise for pooping yourself? No? Well, I didn’t gain consciousness as a baby, so I don’t remember either. However, knowing that your parents loved you for pooping yourself is a great thought to cherish when you’re in your adult diaper. In addition, if you have an adult diaper, you don’t have to stop what you are doing to go to the bathroom. This can help you if you are concentrating on not swallowing batteries or playing with your toy cars. Visit oompaville for an in-depth analysis on diapers:

My personal recommendation is Depend Night Defense by its cheap cost and strong resistance towards nighttime and daytime puddles.

3. Eat processed and mashed foods

As babies and toddlers, we ate blended and smashed delights like carrots mixed with peas. However, as we have grown older our bodies have grown accustomed to the chunky and teeth-needing foods that babies can’t eat. In doing so, we miss out on extreme amounts of nostalgia, alongside incredible amounts of nutrients with a familiar palatable and youthful taste. For a reliable start on delicious baby food, visit Moist Critikal.

My mother (who is definitely the better chef compared to Gordon Ramsey) also recommends mashed potatoes, beef broth, and broccoli blended together for a spectacular youth-filled meal.

4. Stay away from complex words

As toddlers, we only said “gimme”, “mom”, and occasionally “please”. It is important to only say words with two syllables to avoid complex conversations of taxes and grown-up stuff that they say on TV. If possible, try to point at or jump randomly to show a need for something. If getting what you want fails, throw a tantrum instead of a civil conversation to reminisce on the days where you got stares from other parents and children as a toddler. Try to memorize 2-syllable words to disregard your maturity in this website.

5. Constantly use your imagination 

From the floor is lava to making an impenetrable pillow fort, kids always take the most bland objects and situations and turn them into chaotic adventures. To stay like a child, you too have to turn everything into something exciting. Maybe when you have to do bills and taxes, play a game where you make paper airplanes with documents and let the government take your things. However, as you age your imagination deteriorates and is not as strong as it was when you were a toddler. Use this article by Fran Sorin to strengthen your imagination.

6. Be a positive influence in someone else’s childhood

Being a positive influence on a child brings out the optimistic and energetic side of us, since children tend to show very pure emotions. In addition, we pass on the love and care people have given to us as children, and hopefully, that cycle will continue. Babysitting is a good place to start; or, if you have younger siblings, try to get along with them. If you want tips to be positive towards children read this article.

A child is not always a short kid with a disconnection to reality. A child can be someone who looks at life with wonder, hope, and newness. Sometimes it’s only with this mindset that we can find solutions to problems that inspire doubt. I’m not saying growing older is something you should hate. Rather, with the mindset of a child, growing up can hold opportunity for greatness. But what do I know? I’m just a 15-year-old watching Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood while drinking baby formula out of my sippy-cup in an adult diaper.

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