All my life has been the same — expectations and results. It’s never been about feelings and myself. I’ve just had to make results happen. I was never asked to be “me;” I was asked to be a machine. 

I never wanted power, I’ve just tried to fulfill the duties I’ve been given. I’ve never felt bad. I thought that this was my purpose in life. I wasn’t interested in anything but this one thing... I was just a machine, one to make results happen. I wanted to see that one thing I wished to see…

I wanted to see what was outside. I wanted to turn off “the machine” and be me. I wanted to leave every duty and see this paradise I was interested in. I wished to see outside, but once I made it there, it wasn’t what I wished to see.