Exam answers from a student during COVID-19

June 7, 2021 3:14 PM

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Headphones and a pen next to a yellow sticky note with a sad face on it. Photo taken by the author.

Headphones and a pen next to a yellow sticky note with a sad face on it. Photo taken by the author.


Name: Corona Health Date: March 26 2020 June 8, 2021

Result: 0/18


1) There are 9 people. Each person is standing 5 feet away from the other in a line. What is the total length of the line? Show your work. 

9*5 = 45! 

Wait...what about the space of each person that’s in the line?! Let me get my ruler! Ok ok, I got this! Hmm… if I take up about 6 inches in a line, an adult would probably take up … WAIT, are they adults, children, BABIES?! Why would babies be in a line by themselves anyways though…for lunch? Can babies even eat?! OH NO!!! THIS IS ONLY THE FIRST QUESTION.

2) If 1 person catches a cold and spreads it to 2 people in a day, who spread it to another 2 people, how many people will have the cold in 3 weeks?

Why can’t they just stay inside and not infect other people? Are older people included? Aren’t they more likely to die?! How severe is the cold? Will people die? What if the cold spreads to more and more people and can’t be stopped? Will EVERYBODY DIE?!?!?  Will I die?!? I’m too young and pretty to die! I can’t die and have my last words be answering a stupid math problem! 


1) What does the word “forget” mean?

I don’t remember. 

2) Write a mini paragraph on your hero.

I don’t know, DQ or whatever they’re called movies have never really been my thing. You know what HAS been my thing though? Barbie movies. They slapppp. And don’t even get me STARTED on Bibble. Even though he wasn’t in all the movies, and his occupation on Wiki Fandom was “war criminal,” at one point. He is the ONLY main character. Barbie, move over and bow down.


1) Fill in the blank: The first cells were probably ___. 

Oh! I know this one!! Lonely. Imagine just living by yourself, having no interaction with the outside world, and being isolated! That sounds like a horrible life to live, especially for such a long time! Wait… this feels oddly nostalgic. Oh boy, you wouldn’t believe what happened to us! I hope I’m in a science question next year!

2) What is the strongest force on Earth?

I should’ve tried more to convince Mom to watch Star Wars! 

“May the fourth... force, whatever, be with you.” What forces even are there? I thought America was founded on liberty? Why should I be forced to do something, and why is it related to science? Is this supposed to be a trick question, like math, where the answer is no solutions? What kind of solution is no solutions? Should that answer even be allowed? WAIT. I know the answer. It’s love!! Love is the strongest force, it can overcome anything, or at least that’s what the 20 Disney movies I watched instead of studying said... 


1) Explain how Black Death could have been prevented.

Oh, EASY. Just don’t do what we did! Wear masks, don’t go out, stop hogging and begin to share toilet paper, you know, the whole SHAZAM! I didn’t need to study for this. I knew “Animal Crossing” and movies could never betray me. Told you, mom! That reminds me! How’s my all-time favorite who could do no wrong, the most perfect villager in the world, Judy? I miss you so much, and I hope since I’ve been gone because mom took my switch that you will finally donate to my island for building a bridge because I’m tired of carrying us. You literally live for free! On an ISLAND. On a house overlooking a beautiful beach with sea bass and… sharks… okay, maybe you living near the beach wasn’t my smartest decision — but still!   

2) What ended in 1945?

The Revolutionary War? The Great Depression? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW? This is the present! As Elsa once said, “I'm never going back, the past is in the past, let it go, let it go.” Anyways, what was I doing again? Oh, right! 1944 ended in 1945. 

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